Din nou, mai departe... / Again, further on...

We have only one thing to give up: our dominion.
We don’t own the world. We’re not kings here, not gods.
Can we give that up?
Too precious that control? Too tempting being a god?...”

Anthony Hopkins (dr Ethan Powell) - Instinct

De multe ori am vrut si am simtit nevoia sa revin aici. Mi-a fost dor de voi toti, prietenii mei dragi! Din golul din minte insa, rasarea mereu o singura intrebare: “si cum sa reiau?”. Acum am inteles ca nu era nimic de reluat, de reinnodat, doar de continuat... Simplu, firesc , pe cat de fireasca mi-a fost si tacerea. La fel si drumul catre o noua… destinatie intamplatoare, din sirul destinatiilor pe care le-am atins pana-n prezent.

Vãrmaga. Asa se numeste destinatia sau noul punct geografic insemnat pe harta vietii mele. Un sat mic, la poalele Muntilor Metaliferi, in judetul Hunedoara. In sat, o casa construita in anul 1903, marcata de semnele vremii si-al vremurilor traite sub diversi proprietari, ne astepta. Da, ne astepta, caci casa ne-a ales pe noi, nu invers... Impreuna cu ea, un caine, cateva gaini si trei capre. Si draga, nelipsita Norocel. Cu totii prieteni de nadejde in aventura in care ne-am aruncat impreuna si pe care o traim de mai bine de un an si jumatate incoace!

Am muncit mult, ne-am luptat si mai mult. Cu vremea, cu propriile limite, revolte si disperari, cu sistemul care ne dorea si inca ne doreste din nou incartiruiti .
Am trait suparari si bucurii deopotriva, ne-am… domesticit unii pe ceilalti. Caci da, noi oamenii suntem cei ce avem a ne lasa domesticiti mai intai de toate. Fara acest pas esential, relatia dintre noi si prietenii pe care ne bazam si pe care ne sprijinim existenta de zi cu zi, ar ramane o meschina relatie de subordonare –  aceea dintre stapan si supusii sai.
Am intampinat cu entuziasm noi prieteni in viata noastra, i-am petrecut cu tristete pe cei carora le venise timpul de-a pleca. Uneori prea curand, mult mai repede decat eram pregatita sa ne despartim… De la toti am invatat si, sunt sigura, multe sunt cele ce au ramas inca a fi descifrate!

Deocamdata mergem. Mai mult sau mai putin cum mi-am dorit (sau imaginat?), mai usor sau mai greu decat mi-ar placea… Ma bucur insa de libertatea cu gust de apa limpede si rece, cu miros de fan si sanziene, cu soapte de stramosi redescoperiti in frunze de goruni si frasini.

Deocamdata mergem…  Suntem cativa si suntem impreuna. E tot ce conteaza!

So many times I wanted and felt the need to come back here. I’ve missed you so, my dear friends! Out of my mind’s emptiness only one question rose again and again: “how do I start again?”. I realize now there was nothing to start again, to rebind, only to continue… Simple, natural, just as natural as my silence was so far. As natural as the way to a new… random destination, one of the many I’ve reached till now. 
Varmaga. That’s the name of the destination or the new geographic point marked on my life’s map. A small village, nearby Metaliferi Mountains, in Hunedoara county. In this village, a house built in 1903, bearing the marks of time as well as those of the times she lived under various landlords, awaited for us. For yes, she chose us not the other way round… Together with the house, one dog, a few chickens and three goats. And of course, our beloved Norocel. All of them trustful friends in this adventure we threw ourselves into for the last one and a half year!

We worked a lot, we fought even more. With the weather, with our own limits, revolt and despair, with a system that wanted and still wants us quartered.
We had both joys and sorrows; we… tamed each other along the way. For yes, we, humans, are the ones to let ourselves being tamed first of all. In absence of this essential step, the relationship between us and the friends we rely on and with whom we built our very daily existence would be nothing but a mercantile subordinated relationship – that of a master and his servants.
We happily greeted new friends into our lives and sadly said goodbye to those whose time had come. Sometimes too soon, sooner that I was ready to part… I learnt from each and every one of them and I’m certain there’s still a lot to un-riddle!     

So far we’re walking. More or less the way I wanted (or imagined?) easier or harder than I would like… Nonetheless I’m enjoying freedom that tastes of fresh, cold water and smells of hay and bedstraw. The freedom whispered by rediscovered old forefathers out of holms and ashes leaves.

So far we’re walking… We’re just a few but we’re together. And this is all that matters!

7 comentarii:

  1. Asta da surpriza !!! <3 Cu toate ca eu stiu toata povestioara voastra , si cu toate ca eu v-am si vizitat cat de curand casuta din acea zona parca desprinsa din povesti , ma bucur enorm ca ai revenit acum , aici .Cred ca nici nu se putea sa alegi un alt moment mai potrivit decat acesta . Momentul in care cu totii visam mai mult ca niciodata , momentul in care cu totii ne facem planuri ptr un nou an , sau de ce nu , un nou inceput ...
    Te imbratisez cu tot dragul din lume !!! <3 <3

    1. Adina, draga mea, la insistentele tale am revenit. Altfel, poate as mai fi intarziat putin... Ma bucur ca am reusit sa o fac, dar si mai mult ma bucur ca pe drumul pe care merg de o vreme incoace am avut marele noroc sa intalnesc oameni frumosi ca tine, prieteni cu suflet mare ca tine!
      Iti multumesc si iti doresc din toata inima un an pe masura sufletului tau modest si generos!! Te imbratisez cu mult drag, la randul meu! <3

  2. Dear Roxana - Your version of the quiet beauty of winter is breathtaking. And you made me shed tears while I was reading. You’ve been always in my heart. Once you wrote me something like this that even if we don’t keep in touch while engaged in private matters of each other, we are connected by soul. Right? I’ve been remembering that you’d like to move to countryside to fulfill your life with more closer way to your ancestors. I’m happy to know you’re in the process of journey to make yourself blossom on the new land. I imagine your hands might have gotten rough and red, the hands which made such beautiful handicrafts including embroideries. But that’s all right as long as you are in fit both in mind and body. Blogging can wait even for a long.

    As you know, my mother passed away last June. My husband and I sent our parents off one after another in three consecutive years. The time spent for parents was replaced for grandchildren. Since my daughter started working part-time last September, I’ve been baby-sitting her son about two weeks a month. Still I have time to enjoy solitary walk with a camera during free time but little time for blogging during babysit.

    Even though worries, hardships, or disappointment both in the public and in private from the last year haven’t faded out, hope is high at New Year. I’m encouraged to start afresh and look forward to how the spotless new calendar will be filled with. Wish you a healthy and happy year ahead. Stay warm and take care of yourself.


    1. Right, Yoko! You've been always in my heart as well and not only the moon reminded me of you (I liked what you once told me about looking at the moon and knowing the other one will do the same several hours later) but also the Japanese Quince bush I have along the fence, in front of our house.
      Yes, my hands have gotten rougher but I don't mind because they've gotten like that by working the soil in our garden and planting trees and vegetables, by caressing the animals we're taking care of. And though we had and still have difficult days, with disappointments, uncertainty, even... despair, it's a great feeling being here, living quite a basic life. This kind of existence has brought me closer to what's really important in life and made me fully appreciate things I took for granted before - having hot water or a warm house in the winter for example, especially when outside temperature doesn't get any higher than -19 degrees!...

      I'm glad to hear you still have time for yourself and your solitary walks. This is something I admired you for since I first discovered your blog. Because I felt they're more than just walks and taking pictures; they're moments during which you obviously discover and enrich yourself. And this is something I've seen so rarely to people I met so far!
      As for the hope regarding the New Year, I'm struggling not to think ahead and just live the days as they come. I only hope we'll have peace... Whatever else comes, if in good health, we will get through it one way or another!
      Thank you for your kind wishes! May this year be a great journey for you too, one forever remembered and cherished in your heart! Take good care of yourself, my dear friend!

    2. Dear Roxana - While reading your post and your reply to my comment again, I felt so humbled in respect to you.

      “….the amount of daily chorus leaves me with an empty mind and a very tired body in the evening!.” (in the comment on my post) made me feel assured that you live to the essentials. I’m not sure what you meant exactly by “empty”, but I took it special positive meaning. Because I believe that without becoming “empty”, we can’t see the truth. When our mind is caught up in many things we can’t see the simple truth. In any way of living, we can’t be free from worries, disappointments, despairs, and uncertainty, but those things are lightened up by our attitude (including your live-today attitude), concentrating on what you believe or you really want to do, which makes you feel happy after all even if there are daunting odds. Life has more beauty when the path is simple and humble.

      I’ll send telepathy to you via moon whenever I look up at her. Thankfully the moon sails around the heaven to gently light over our world in darkness, in misery and uncertainty. Have happy days ahead.


  3. Draga Roxana, sper ca randurile mele sa va gaseasca bine...cu toate cele ale vietii. Mi-e dor de tine, si sper sa mai am vesti despre tine! Frumoase randuri, frumoase poze, frumoasa casa :). Cu toate bunele si relele, totusi este frumos, dincolo de tot si toate! Astept cateva randuri despre voi! Cu mult drag!

    1. Denisa, prietena draga, ma bucura nespus randurile tale! Cu atat mai mult cu cat, de multa vreme ma tot gandesc la tine, la voi, promitandu-mi in fiecare zi ca scriu.... Suntem bine, iti scriu pe larg maine dimineata, pe email. Sper ca si voi!!!
      Te imbratisez cu mult drag, si mie imi este dor de tine!